he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
