On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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