reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
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I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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