That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
