i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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