he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I want her autograph on my taint
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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