You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
