Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
