I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
