so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
time to smoke my breakfast
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
