If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
pray to the hookup gods
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
