do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
