so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
