Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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