Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize