Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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