I cockslap morals
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
