i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
