you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's get the cat blown out
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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