totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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