Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize