So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
