Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
