community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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