so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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