That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
