This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
