One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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