she was so not down for the gang bang
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
