i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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