There is no way he is gay with that hair.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
