you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
