An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
