My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
