bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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