he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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