I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
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God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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