She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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