I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
