Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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