Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
