I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
