she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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