just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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