When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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