I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
