Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
