i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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