Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
