They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
