Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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