Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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