Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
