lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
ttyl tear gas
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
