Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
