too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
last night I used snow as a chaser
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
