I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
