so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
