i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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