I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize