Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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