We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
