If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
