Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
